This may not be everyone's idea of a dream job, but it works for me: IRS customer service representative. I'll elaborate.

Some rather straight-forward appearing transactions last year have thrown me into a section of IRS tax regulation with which I am unfamiliar. The more I think I have it figured out, the more complex turns it takes. Therefore, I have called the IRS for assistance numerous times this tax season.

First, I emphasize that all of the IRS representatives I have talked with have been polite and civil. Some have been downright witty. Not a one I have spoken with has come across as arrogant or surly.

Now for the dream job part. Even though I am calling because I cannot sort out the instructions in the appropriate IRS publication in front of me and hope to get assistance about how to properly understand and apply the written instructions, I discover that the representatives can refer only to the appropriate publications, which I have already done, and not elaborate. In response to my queries, most of them read verbatim from sections I have already read. When I ask about specifics concerning my situation, I discovered that not any of them have any experience whatsoever with the transactions I am calling about. This is in spite of the fact that on each call I am transferred to the department that handles "that section of tax law."

As we proceed, I quickly learn that during the course of conversation, I become the subject matter expert. I know the details of the types of transactions in which I have engaged, and I already know what portions of what publications apply to my situation. The only thing that I have difficulty figuring out is how to properly report the transactions on the myriad of forms referenced in the instructions. And neither can the IRS representatives with whom I speak.

So what happens when the IRS assistant declares that he or she does not know how to answer my question?

I am told to consult a tax professional who can handle that issue for me!

Seriously? I have to go pay big bucks for someone else to take a stab at guessing where to put my facts and figures on tax return paperwork because IRS customer service representatives cannot figure out what IRS instructions mean?

That's why I see this as a dream job. You respond to a taxpayer's question by referring to and reading from the instructions he/she has probably already tried to slog through. Then, when you cannot make any sense of it either, simply tell the taxpayer that you are not trained to go any farther, and that they need to consult a tax professional. Then you're done. That's it! Time to move on to the next taxpayer victim.

Dream job. I ought to check into this.