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Halloween is just around the corner, and the folks over at Time Magazine apparently felt obligated to use its occasion to mock Republicans. I'll pause while you try to get over your shock...
Okay, so Time highlighted a section on their website that was the "10 Best Halloween Costumes of 2011." Number one was a pregnant Beyonce (really...that's the best?). Coming in at number two, however were the "GOP presidential candidates" (they grouped them together).
But of course, Time was not content to leave it at that. No, they needed to make sure that their bias wasn't muted or understated, but rather as flagrant as possible. Check out the instructions readers were given as to how best to imitate the candidates:
What you'll need:
? The Aug. 15, 2011, cover of Newsweek
? Rubber bands
Cut out Bachmann's face from Newsweek cover, poke holes through eyes, staple rubber bands at the edges and place on your face. Tip: it helps to walk around overly wide-eyed, like you just drank a coffeemaker. As for the outfit, you can just reuse your Sarah Palin getup from last year.
You might recall that Newsweek was widely panned for intentionally placing an unflattering picture of Bachmann on their cover...once again demonstrating the anti-woman bias that these supposed champions of women have for any women who don't toe the liberal line. And here's Time Mag reinforcing the sexism on their site. Classy. But Bachmann wasn't alone:
What you'll need:
? A suit
? A pizza box
? A gimmicky jobs plan to restore America to fiscal sustainability and greatness through a systematic overhaul of the federal tax code
Open pizza box, place jobs plan inside. Tip: your plan will sound much more persuasive if you repeat a single number over and over again. Or if you give it extra cheese.
This one really is fairly bland and equally unfunny. But it did give them the chance to mock what they declare is the "gimmicky" and cheesy nature of Cain's economic ideas. I guess that would be opposed to Obama's genius plan?
But surely Time, in the name of fairness and balance that we know they cherish, would equally tease and poke fun at liberals, right? We're in luck! They listed a Wall Street Protestor, and check out how they don't actually compliment the protestors instead of mock them in their write-up (that's sarcasm by the way):
What you'll need:
? A clever sign
? Comfortable shoes (optional)
Since the Occupy Wall Street movement made camp in lower Manhattan on Sept. 17, cities from Los Angeles to Boston to Anchorage have been periodically occupied. That means, wherever you choose to sport your protest gear on All Hallow's Eve, the getup is sure to be a hit. But there's a catch: these protesters are not one-size-fits-all, so you can't just toss on your parents' old Woodstock threads and call it a day. Indeed, these protesters wear everything from suits and ties to jeans and sneakers. The lack of uniformity in dress makes the sign the most crucial component of this costume. Wear whatever you'd like, but make sure to carry a sign that says something clever, snarky and/or negative about rich people. Just be sure your costume doesn't cost too much ? you want to look much more 99% than 1%.
So while Cain is mocked for his "gimmicky" ideas and Bachmann is mocked for her appearance, the folks at Time are sure to let us know that "these protesters wear everything from suits and ties to jeans and sneakers." Well of course they do! Because they're normal, average, common people, not prone to poor hygiene or fits of rage. No, that's just Republican presidential candidates.